You’ve probably heard the phrase “holding space” — usually in the context of supporting someone else. But what does it mean to hold space for yourself? And how do you do that when you’re the one feeling overwhelmed, emotional, or unsure?
Holding space for yourself means creating an inner environment of compassion, safety, and presence. It’s giving yourself permission to feel without judgment, pause without guilt, and process without pressure to perform or be “fixed.”
Here’s how to hold space for your emotions, especially when you need it the most.
Understand What It Means to Hold Space
Holding space for yourself is about:
- Being present with your feelings without trying to suppress or fix them
- Creating mental and emotional safety within yourself
- Accepting all parts of your experience — even the uncomfortable ones
- Listening to your needs without rushing to problem-solve
It’s the opposite of emotional avoidance — and it’s one of the most healing things you can do.
Create a Moment of Pause
You can’t hold space for yourself if you’re rushing, scrolling, or numbing. The first step is to pause and make time for stillness.
Try:
- Turning off distractions for five minutes
- Sitting in silence with your hand on your heart
- Taking three slow, intentional breaths
- Saying silently: “I’m here. I’m listening.”
This signals to your nervous system that it’s safe to check in.
Acknowledge What You’re Feeling
Instead of analyzing your feelings, start by naming them. What’s present for you right now?
You can say:
- “I feel anxious.”
- “There’s a heaviness in my chest.”
- “I’m sad, and I’m not sure why.”
- “I feel numb, and that’s valid too.”
Naming creates emotional clarity. It invites self-understanding over self-judgment.
Don’t Rush to Fix or Change It
It’s tempting to immediately want to feel better. But holding space is not about escaping discomfort — it’s about being with it.
Try:
- Allowing tears to come without explanation
- Sitting with confusion without needing to solve it
- Letting your body soften without forcing resolution
The more you allow, the more your emotions naturally shift.
Use Gentle, Compassionate Self-Talk
Your inner voice can make or break your emotional experience. When holding space, speak to yourself the way you would to someone you love.
Try saying:
- “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”
- “I don’t have to figure this out right now.”
- “All parts of me are welcome here.”
- “I can feel this and still be okay.”
Let your self-talk be a safe container for your feelings.
Create a Physical Space That Feels Safe
Your environment can support your emotional process. Choose a space where you feel most grounded.
You might:
- Light a candle or use soft lighting
- Sit in a cozy corner with a blanket
- Put on calming music or nature sounds
- Bring in items that make you feel comforted — tea, journal, a favorite object
This helps anchor your nervous system while you process.
Journal Without Censoring
Writing can help you hold space for complex or tangled emotions. Let the page become a container for what’s too much to carry alone.
Try prompts like:
- “What’s alive in me right now?”
- “What do I need to hear today?”
- “What’s been weighing on me emotionally?”
- “If I gave myself full permission to feel, what would I admit?”
There’s no right or wrong — just honesty.
End With a Small Act of Care
After holding space for your emotions, offer yourself a gesture of care. This reinforces safety and self-respect.
Try:
- Drinking a glass of water mindfully
- Placing a hand on your heart and saying, “Thank you for showing up”
- Moving your body gently to release stored energy
- Resting without needing to “do” anything else
Self-care is not the opposite of holding space — it’s the continuation of it.
Final Thought: You Deserve the Kindness You Offer to Others
You don’t need to be strong all the time. You don’t need to hold space for everyone else while ignoring your own emotional world.
You are allowed to feel — deeply, messily, honestly.
You are allowed to rest — without earning it first.
You are allowed to hold space for yourself — not just when it’s convenient, but when it’s necessary.
Because your heart is worthy of your own presence.
And healing starts when you stop running — and start listening.